Straight Talk In A Time of Desperate Thought

Straight Talk In A Time of Desperate Thought
by
Robert Stanford



Through my work with some individuals in and out of the Modesto Airport District, at times, a battle will rage inside myself borne of frustration and disappointment. Generally due to working with those that I sympathetically call “those in recovery”. But often look down upon as junkies that choose the way in which they live and choose to continue their addiction completely free of any compelling urges that addiction may bring. Forever, I find myself needing to remind myself just how wrong I am regarding this assumption that I may have been taught – or prefer to perceive.

It seems so easy to me that they can put the needle down forever, once and for all. Looking at them, I feel that if I can only hold up some sort of an introspective mirror, that they will become horrified of what they look like and what their lives have become and it will be so easy for them to “kick” the addiction, or at the very least, check into some sort of a treatment center.

Like a Tolkien creature in Lord of the Rings that has forsaken every aspect of the reality of life and living for the sake of a seemingly magical band of gold, these individuals live out their lives in exactly the same way – ultimate isolation from all external stimulus with their only true goal being their next fix.

More times than not, I am tricked by my extended hand of assistance and encouragement for treatment. Or worse, attacked.

With other individuals that take my assistance and utilize it to achieve goals that further the advancement of the community and society at large, I relish in the fact that I am a powerful force in their lives – at times fueled by nothing more than a phamplet or brochure to make them aware of assistance that is available to them. They grow.

But not the junky. All they seem to care about is how much closer I can get them to their next fix, they become angry when they can see that money is not forthcoming from me. What good am I to them, unless I am able to assist them to continue their path of self-destruction?

They spit on me, throw things at me, attack me with little or no provocation, accuse me of being a “narc” and complain that I do not give them financial aid or change their environment to be more of that of an opium den – and like other places in more “civilized” society, often I hear the accusation that the only reason I interact with them in the first place is that I am trying to get their vote for political gain – though they do not vote in the first place.

Day in and day out, it is a constant battle for me to not lash out on them or constantly call the local MPD dispatch to have them arrested on possession charges – get them out of my District, so that those that appreciate my help the most can thrive more with what little resources my self-developed direct action methodological system has to function. A constant battle between despising them and understanding them.

But to this very day, I still hold strong to the philosophy that they are in fact God’s children and that they are not in control of their lives in any way.

I use to believe that if they were to hit rock bottom that in these times, it would be relatively easy for them to see themselves for what they actually had become and choose to take another path. But for many junkies that have been self-injecting heroin for many many years, this does not apply. And I begin to lose sight of what the truth is – A choice they make by their own free will? Or a drug so powerful, that year after year they are left to their own devices, trapped in a vacuum of loneliness and despair.

I will continue to advocate for these people, because they are people. Whether they are in the predicament they are in is their fault or not, I believe is impossible to determine without the attempt by the entire community to address them as ill and in need of treatment – rather than discarding them like the repulsive garbage they certainly look like.







Copyright 2009 Robert Stanford all rights reserved.